And each October afternoon I spend with you, Brother, is one more Bittersweet cup of ambrosia poison for me to swallow. One fragrant and delicate cup of brine, Salty like your tears, which you hide under like a blanket. "And I have known them all, known them all," He reads in a wearied, loving voice Cracking at the edges, letting sleep in Letting sleep go where no one else has gone. You say my voice could put you to sleep. I say your voice cracks at the edges. You say that you're afraid of something deep inside you. Carefully skirting the demons, you tell me. You tell me you're afraid of demons deep inside you Brought recognition in stormy moonlight. A musky scent and a heat in the moonlight. Or a blustering October afternoon. "Come on," I say. I clasp his hand. Let's go and play in your palace of ivy. You can hide and I will find you Weeping gaily in tender ivy velvet. We do not fear desire because this is better than desire. We discuss dead poets at great length, because their words Are living and pulsing in our ears. The moon tides run in my blood. I wish I were larger than life. I wish I could disturb the universe. Sometimes I disturb you. There are so many things you don't remember, But I remember it all. Hold it in my hands, every dying ember, Though it smolders and sears and hurts to hold it. And I gather the rest of the events to me like sweet decaying leaves. The instrument settles itself in your grip. And you softly strum the guitar. Melodies resonating, vibrating, and softly Undermining everything. I know this because of your empty stare. I know this because of feelings I see which are not there. Through the murky waters a memory rises. Pirouetting upward through a dim violet burning. I remember when I watched you sleep. I touched your lips and felt your breath. Your body rose and fell. Some dream held you. My bed held you. Maybe all you knew was like some farther butterfly, Dancing on your mouth. Ask me when the worst has happened. Ask me when it's all dissevered. As me if it was worthwhile. I will say yes. this is my thank you.

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