Swagazine #1

Silence. The room is silent. I am once again alone. The phone does not ring and I wait. Hoping...wishing for a break in the silence. I hear my heart beating. It beats slowly, my hands tremble. The heaviness of the silence bears down on my mind, I thrash wildly inside. There is no escape, I cannot leave. I am stuck here in this void. The books are stacked in front of me, the radio at my side. I turn it on, noise comes out, I don't hear any of it. When I'm like this, none of the songs are good songs. I don't know any of the words. I am still waiting for the phone to ring, where are all my friends? They are with others, they have forgotten me. I pace madly within the confines of this square chamber. Three steps and I have to turn around and three more. My hands grasp and grab at my hair. They pull in frustration, my eyes wide in anticipation. My patience grinding and tearing my blood rimmed eyes. Hate rages in my stomach, a hot burning sensation floods my body. Tingling spreads thereafter. I jump around my room, making the echo that tells me I am still alone. I take out a pen, scribble furiously on many pieces of paper. I stab through the sheets, no blood comes out. How easily it is to tear through that stack...how easily it would be to just force it through my head. It would enter in a second, penetrating spongy matter. The pen would enter through my temple, get lodged 4 inches horizontally into my cranium. I would drop, blood would be all over. My body slumped back into the chair. The pen sticking straight out the side of my head. If I were able, I'd pull it back out, stuff some Kleenex in the newly formed hole in my head. I would bang my head as hard as I could against the white textured walls. The blood would mark my passing as I rush outside. I take a butter knife from the kitchen and run outside! Ahhh, there's that girl that lives down the street. All thoughts of love, sex, relationship forgotten. Come here girl, I have something to show you. I violently shove the pen through her orb, pull it back out. Screams echoing in the back of my mind as I shove it through her chest. Leave her there in the middle of the rode. I'd drop the knife and head toward the beach. I run, my lungs explode after a few minutes of hard running. I don't stop. The aching builds up till I cannot stand it. But I do. I make to the blue ocean, the white shifting sands below. There are many people here. Many, many victims yet to be handled. There is a little boy on the beach. How easily it would be to wrap my hands around his puny neck and strangle and break! I move on. She lies there. Golden tanned body, scantily clad. I want to break her violently, furiously! I can't, I don't know how. A radio lays beside her. I grab the radio and raise it above my head! She starts saying something to me, I don't care. I slam the radio into her and the radio stops its music. I kick her many times, the blood is all over my feet. Her face, gorge dripping from the massive wound that gapes from it. Many substances that used to be contained within is all over the sand. I move on. I don't think anyone noticed. What happened to all the people? Where are now? I don't know. I'm tired, and its hot. I'm going to go home.