The Constitution of (This is Not Here)
Origins...
95Feb17 1:03 am Oh the wit of it from Wraith we 95Feb17 1:52 am from Spock the people 95Feb17 9:42 pm Free Drool from Chicken of the (This is not here) BBS 95Feb17 10:30 pm from Spock In order to form 95Feb18 9:44 am This is from Zeylan a more chaotic union 95Feb18 6:25 pm Intoxication from Lack of Sleep must rise up in the cafeteria and stab them with our plastic forks, so that we 95Feb18 8:39 pm This is from Zeylan can, in the spirit of good-natured fun and murder, 95Feb18 9:13 pm Mental Liquid from Luminary Coremaster systematically torture those who oppose our cheesy values and ideals, 95Feb18 11:03 pm This is from Zeylan with sadistic glee, in hopes that 95Feb18 11:40 pm Mental Liquid from Luminary Coremaster their nasal passages may never again expell oxygen, and furthermore to 95Feb19 12:53 am Oh the wit of it from Wraith insure that the misguided will never obtain the vital information that would allow them to 95Feb19 3:32 pm This is from Zeylan function normally on the system; and furthermore, 95Feb19 7:30 pm Pac-Man Fever from Mike Swanson we heartily encourage users to add to the BBS constitution with open-ended messages like these, a sure testament to our concern for 95Feb19 7:54 pm Mental Liquid from Luminary Coremaster the continuation of ridiculously long run-on sentences, which, although abundant in the regular Constitution and most other legal documents, are still hard to read after a while and rather confusing in general; additionally, we 95Feb19 9:17 pm Pac-Man Fever from Mike Swanson think everyone should be allotted several bags of cheese puffs per day, free of charge, and an indication of our 95Feb20 12:02 am Mental Liquid from Luminary Coremaster love for curdled dairy products turned into snack treats in general; equally, we must provide free bottles of IBC products EXCEPT for the Diet kind because anybody who thinks they'll lose weight by drinking a diet soda is an idiot, and does not belong in our hallowed instutition; thirdly, everyone should receive 95Feb20 1:41 am Oh the wit of it from Wraith several simple necessities of life like taco bell and pez in order to insure that the rest of the scum sucking maggots don't 95Feb20 1:52 am Mental Liquid from Luminary Coremaster get nearly as long a post-mortum shelf-life as our happy little group will induce upon themselves from all of those rich preservatives that we all know and love, and also so that 95Feb20 4:25 am Intoxication from Lack of Sleep one day those who read this will worship us as if we were great figures in time instead of the sniveling idiots; and further more 95Feb20 1:40 pm This is not from The Mad Pluck the masses will ine up in droves to drink our spit and roll in our earwax, in an effort to aquaint themselves more personally with the greatness that we are, yet although we may not jump on hot tin roofs, we are cats of the finest 95Feb20 3:19 pm This is from Zeylan ilk and breeding, despite what is said about us; furthermore, to get back to the subject of the Constitution in the first place, from which we have so fruitfully deviated, we agree that no user shall, with malice aforethought, ever 95Feb20 10:15 pm more stuff from from Mike Swanson suck out the creamy filling from any Twinkie or other Hostess (C) brand product without our prior knowledge and common consent, because it is our deepest concern that we of all people need to prevent the wasteful 95Feb21 12:58 am Mental Liquid from Luminary Coremaster disembowelment of our golden sponge cake friends, because as every bright lad and lass knows, Hostess products are meant to be eaten as a whole, unlike Riiece's Pieces, in which people are actually encouraged to eat them in odd, perverse, and socially deviant ways; and let us not forget that 95Feb21 6:01 am Intoxication from Lack of Sleep we must, in order to keep the right frame of mind, do whippits atleast once a week; and along the lines of correction, we must relable all SPAM containers so that somewhere it will state, "In case of emergency, pull pin and throw" so that we may keep order and further more 95Feb21 9:11 am This is from Zeylan we shall probably never establish any real rules with this Constitution, but instead shall fill it full of nonsense and things which have no meaning, and all the while we shall put live carp down our trousers while dancing a jig in order to 95Feb21 1:23 pm Dig it from Winston O'Boogie further enhance our wiggling abilities, and thus 95Feb21 1:28 pm more stuff from from Mike Swanson prostrate outselves before our lord and god Baal the almighty and powerful, all seeing and knowing, that he may use us as his will dictates because we are undeniably his mere toys in the grand picture of existence, flakes of dandruff on his head we are, mere skin peelings from his 95Feb21 2:47 pm This is from Zeylan left elbow, that is to say, if we were to believe in that sort of thing, which we do not; and thus, it is written that all users shall not 95Feb21 2:55 pm more stuff from from Mike Swanson pay any attention to their left elbows, for such elbows as specified (left, that is) clearly do not exist, because it is only the right elbow that is holy and revered, while things on the left must be evil and sinister, a sure reflection of 95Feb21 3:30 pm This is not from The Mad Pluck the quack, and all things un-republican, which, as we all know, detract from the common capitalist goal of 95Feb21 3:49 pm This is from Zeylan being silly and having no meaning at all, real or implied; and furthermore, being of sound mind and body, we the users of (This is Not Here) do solemnly swear 95Feb21 4:55 pm Food for thought from The Dishwasher . Ha! 95Feb21 7:31 pm Mental Liquid from Luminary Coremaster In general. Literarly. Especially Zeylan, who "knows all the words," as he is rather adept at swearing in new and creative (and often unprecidented) ways and formats as he sees fit; furthermore, we shall endeavor to uphold our silly laws with a vigor only comparable to that of a Mongolian yak groomer, in the prime of his form no less, for the simple reason that we 95Feb21 8:40 pm This is from Zeylan Bzzt. THE LAST TWO MESSAGES DO NOT COUNT. THEY SHALL BE OMITTED AND STRICKEN FROM THE RECORD. And so shall this one. Stick to the format or do not participate. To continue: ...we the users... do solemly swear 95Feb21 9:00 pm Food for thought from The Dishwasher . Ha! 95Feb21 9:00 pm Food for thought from The Dishwasher Okay, okay. .... do solemly swear... 95Feb21 9:00 pm Food for thought from The Dishwasher that 95Feb21 9:20 pm This is not from The Mad Pluck under penalty of penises, we can't, we won't, and we don't stop 95Feb21 10:14 pm This is from Zeylan until we're through. And we really mean it. 95Feb21 10:14 pm This is from Zeylan Now only if the sysop would ratify that.
The Official Constition...
* * The Constitution of (This is Not Here) * * We the people of the (This is not here) BBS, in order to form a more chaotic union must rise up in the cafeteria and stab them with our plastic forks, so that we can, in the spirit of good-natured fun and murder, systematically torture those who oppose our cheesy values and ideals, with sadistic glee, in hopes that their nasal passages may never again expel oxygen, and furthermore to insure that the misguided will never obtain the vital information that would allow them to function normally on the system; and furthermore, we heartily encourage users to add to the BBS constitution with open-ended messages like these, a sure testament to our concern for the continuation of ridiculously long run-on sentences, which, although abundant in the regular Constitution and most other legal documents, are still hard to read after a while and rather confusing in general; additionally, we think everyone should be allotted several bags of cheese puffs per day, free of charge, and an indication of our love for curdled dairy products turned into snack treats in general; equally, we must provide free bottles of IBC products EXCEPT for the Diet kind because anybody who thinks they'll lose weight by drinking a diet soda is an idiot, and does not belong in our hallowed institution; thirdly, everyone should receive several simple necessities of life like Taco Bell and Pez in order to insure that the rest of the scum-sucking maggots don't get nearly as long a postmortem shelf-life as our happy little group will induce upon themselves from all of those rich preservatives that we all know and love, and also so that one day those who read this will worship us as if we were great figures in time instead of sniveling idiots; and further more the masses will line up in droves to drink our spit and roll in our earwax, in an effort to acquaint themselves more personally with the greatness that we are, yet although we may not jump on hot tin roofs, we are cats of the finest ilk and breeding, despite what is said about us; furthermore, to get back to the subject of the Constitution in the first place, from which we have so fruitfully deviated, we agree that no user shall, with malice aforethought, ever suck out the creamy filling from any Twinkie or other Hostess (C) brand product without our prior knowledge and common consent, because it is our deepest concern that we of all people need to prevent the wasteful disembowelment of our golden sponge cake friends, because as every bright lad and lass knows, Hostess products are meant to be eaten as a whole, unlike Reese's Pieces, in which people are actually encouraged to eat them in odd, perverse, and socially deviant ways; and let us not forget that we must, in order to keep the right frame of mind, do whippets at least once a week; and along the lines of correction, we must relabel all SPAM containers so that somewhere it will state, "In case of emergency, pull pin and throw" so that we may keep order and further more we shall probably never establish any real rules with this Constitution, but instead shall fill it full of nonsense and things which have no meaning, and all the while we shall put live carp down our trousers while dancing a jig in order to further enhance our wiggling abilities, and thus prostrate ourselves before our lord and god Baal the almighty and powerful, all seeing and knowing, that he may use us as his will dictates because we are undeniably his mere toys in the grand picture of existence, flakes of dandruff on his head we are, mere skin peelings from his left elbow, that is to say, if we were to believe in that sort of thing, which we do not; and thus, it is written that all users shall not pay any attention to their left elbows, for such elbows as specified (left, that is) clearly do not exist, because it is only the right elbow that is holy and revered, while things on the left must be evil and sinister, a sure reflection of the quack, and all things un-republican, which, as we all know, detract from the common capitalist goal of being silly and having no meaning at all, real or implied; and furthermore, being of sound mind and body, we the users of (This is Not Here) do solemnly swear in general, literally, especially Zeylan, who "knows all the words," as he is rather adept at swearing in new and creative (and often unprecedented) ways and formats as he sees fit; furthermore, we shall endeavor to uphold our silly laws with a vigor only comparable to that of a Mongolian yak groomer, in the prime of his form no less, for the simple reason that we the users do solemnly swear that under penalty of penises, we can't, we won't, and we don't stop until we're through. And we really mean it. Signed on behalf of all the users, with love and kisses, Wraith Spock Chicken Zeylan Lack of Sleep Luminary Coremaster Mike Swanson The Mad Pluck The Dishwasher Ratified on February 21, 1995 by Winston O'Boogie, sysop.
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